I have a very vivid imagination. As a child, I was able to occupy my time for hours playing games of make-believe. I was a princess of a mystical land, a safari guide in Africa, a scientist that had discovered the cure for cancer, or a world class gymnast. The list was endless. I dreamed as big as my mind would allow. Some of these childhood dreams involved my destiny. I just knew that by the age of 30, I would be a successful doctor, married to my prince charming, and have a house full of children. I could see my future so vividly that I could tell you everything right down to the clothing I was wearing and the food I was eating. The only problem, these childhood dreams were not how my life would manifest. This leads me perfectly into this post. My ability to dream so realistically has also been one of my greatest weaknesses to overcome.
Dreaming has been on my mind, almost constantly, for the past several months. I began to recognize that I had a very unhealthy, and unrealistic, relationship with my goals and dreams. Because I can so vividly see myself reaching my goals, when I fall short it is devastating. Even if I have put in a great effort, and have made so many strides along the way, I will still feel like I have completely failed. After this happens, I almost always revert back to square one. It is an endless and dangerous cycle that has left me, on more than one occasion, severely depressed filled with so much self hatred. When I look at my life, I am always comparing it to someone else’s. I will see what I wanted, dreamed about, and ultimately do not have, and immediately feel like a failure.
This all became very clear when I started my life coaching class in May. I had a light bulb moment after speaking to my mentor. She made me realize that I would never be happy, or satisfied, with my life if I was constantly comparing it to that perfect picture I had in my mind of how it should be. She told me that I had to find joy in my current reality. That I needed to look at my accomplishments and be proud of where I am and where I have come from. Friends, let me tell you, I have overcome so much. I have accomplished more than I ever dreamed possible. There is so much to be proud of. Now, it is time start believing that truth.
The problem with believing in myself is that I have been stuck, convinced that I am undeserving of the big “reach for the stars” dreams. I doubt every ounce of my capability. I start to accept that I am just not good enough for major success. Yes, I know how ridiculous this all sounds. Who am I to say that I am unworthy or unable? Isn’t this attitude kind of like punching God in the face? It’s almost like saying that He could not possibly create me to do something big and magnificent. I have to constantly stop and tell myself, “Girl, you do not have that kind of power!”. After all, He is the one who thought me up and breathed life into my existence.
I think that I have, unintentionally, placed God in a neat little box. Which is also completely absurd! My God is almighty, powerful, and perfect, and He cannot be contained! If God has big plans for this insecure and unworthy small-town girl, than I am standing here with my arms wide open ready to receive my blessings and conquer this world!
If you have ever felt like you are not allowed to dream, I challenge you to dig that hidden dream out of your mind. To pray on it, and ask God to help you achieve it. Nothing is out of reach for our God! Once you really start to believe in yourself the possibilities are limitless. It will not happen overnight, especially if you have spent years burying those dreams. It will be an ongoing process, but trust me it is worth it! YOU are worth it. God believes in YOU, now it is time that you do as well!