This is my first Official Post! It is one that has been heavy on my heart lately and something that I am constantly trying to work through. You are getting ready to get an unfiltered look into who I actually am. The good, bad, and definitely the ugly. You see, I have suffered from severe anxiety and some depression for most of my life. I started having panic attacks when I was in high school and gradually that warped into something on an entirely different level. Writing has always been an outlet for me, which is partially how the dream to become a blogger happened. Living my journey out loud on social media has been a very important part of my healing. Now, I want to be a safe place for anyone that thinks they cannot go on, because let me tell you… YES. YOU. CAN. Is it easy? Heck no, but I promise you it will be worth it.
Bet you are wondering why I just started this post in such a deep way. Well, I am hoping that it will cause the following to make a bit more sense. Let’s talk a little bit about surviving disappointments and rejection.
I am sure that all of you have those unbearably rough days from time to time. For me, they normally start off trying to pull myself out of bed and attempting to be an actual productive human being. I dread these mornings because I know when I fully wake up and erase the sleep from my mind, I will remember what put me in this position to begin with. Most often it is from some sort of rejection. This rejection could be anything; another failed attempt at a relationship, an ended friendship, a missed opportunity at work, the list could go on. Sometimes these moments can hit me out of nowhere and it is as if I have forgotten everything I know about God… and myself. The disappointment consumes me. I can no longer think about my accomplishments or the positive impact that I am having. I am consumed with whatever circumstance that has brought me to this point.
This is where I start to wonder why God has forgotten me and left me here all alone. Of course, this isn’t true! What is actually going on and happening, is an answer to a prayer. God’s way of protecting me from whatever it was that I had put myself into. Those broken relationships are because he wasn’t the one that God has waiting for me. Maybe that friendship would have been more toxic than I could have handled and taken me away from the one who matters most. If those prayers would have been answered, I would have been sent down the wrong path. Towards a lifetime of despair and pain. I would not have been living the life that God has planned. Does knowing that He is on my side and looking out for me make it any easier? Sometimes. However, I am often left dealing with the disappointment and trying to turn my eyes back to Him for direction. I have learned through my journey that I have to lean and rely on God. It is the only thing that really heals my heart and centers my soul back to Him.
I am sure that we will talk more about disappointments and rejection in the future. I do, however, want to leave you with a few things that have helped me along the way. I love to read and there have been so many great self-love books to come out lately. I am going to list a few of my favorites in the bottom of this post!
Back to the beginning of our conversation today, find a “safe person”. Someone that you can tell anything and that you are comfortable sharing your struggles with. We are much better and stronger together. Having the love of a friend can literally save your life. Please do not journey through this alone. What you are feeling is not insignificant and it matters. YOU matter.
- Remember God by Annie F Downs
- Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis
- It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way by Lysa Terkeurst
- Indestructible: Leveraging Your Broken Heart to Become a Force of Love and Change in the World by Allison Fallon